Strangers

I'm writing this from the bus on my way home from work. I'm waiting for the bus and wondering why nobody ever talks at bus stops..including myself. There are about 20 of us and none of us have spoke a word. This makes me wonder why in this day and age the stigma is that you don't talk to strangers on public transit.

If there is one thing I know about myself, it's that I can't shut up. I love to talk. I like to talk to everybody, everywhere. Although, when it comes to little things like sitting on the bus or at a cafe, I feel out of place when I try to talk to people. It mainly might be because I feel like I'm bothering them and that they just want to be alone. By their body language; ear buds in, eyes deep in a book; they are in their own little world not wanting anybody to bother them.

But that made me wonder if everybody thinks that. What if everybody (or most people) wants to talk to the person sitting next to them on a bus, but is fearful of being a bother?

Another thing I think about when I'm contemplating talking to someone is that they'll think I'm hitting on them. Yeah, I've seen plenty of attractive people on public transit. We all have. But 99% of the people I think of talking to I'm not attracted to. I simply just want to make light conversation on this 20 minute bus ride instead of being in my own world of listening to the sultry anthems, alternative rock and the occasional nostalgic hit. But what if me starting a conversation gives the wrong impression? What if they think I'm weird? All of these questions consume my mind until the person gets up and exits the bus.

So here I am. Sitting on a bus. Next to a shy-looking man, a college student and an educated woman reading a book. All good people I'm sure; but I'm not going to talk to any of them because of the off chance that they take it the wrong way. And as I get off the bus and walk home, I'll regret not sparking a conversation with any of them. That person could have potentially been somebody important, or had an incredible story to share that would make me rethink my life. Maybe that grumpy-guy-next-to-you's wife just passed away and needed somebody to talk to. All of these questions will go unanswered unless you break through the awkward barrier of talking to a complete stranger, make the effort, and talk to them.

**

So I did it. I talked to somebody on the bus. Was it the most marvelous conversation I've ever had? Definitely not. But I got to know somebody that I would of just ignored and went on with my day. I got to know another person in my life.

And who knows, maybe one day I will meet somebody on the bus who I actually become friends with. Maybe I'll meet my true love. I guess you never know unless you try.

xx Nathan

What is ALS?

You cannot go on any social network without seeing an ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Almost every celebrity and friend that I know are doing it. You can ask anybody in the world and they will know what is is. This challenge is raising awareness for such an amazing organization, The ALS Association, but after asking people about the challenge, only a few people actually knew what ALS is. ALS is one of the saddest diseases in the world. In a matter of months a person can go from their perfectly healthy self to being bedridden for the rest of their life. Slowly, their whole body shuts down making them lose all functions to the body including digestion, movement and responsiveness. Eventually they will become unable to walk, speak and use their hands and feet. Through all of this, their mind still functions at full capacity. It is physically and emotionally draining for the family and the person with ALS. I can't even begin to imagine the hardship they face. After watching this video from Anthony Carbajal, a California based photographer, you see what he goes through when his grandmother and mother has ALS and when he himself goes through living with ALS. It is 

Watch Anthony's video here

After doing the Ice Bucket Challenge myself and seeing hundreds of Ice Bucket Challenges from my friends and celebrities, I do not feel like I made enough impact on ALS. I am going to donate $50 to the ALS Association in my name. It's not a lot, but it's what I can give. I strongly encourage that you give some money too even if that is only $10 - $20.

I hope this post educated you more on ALS and that you will share this information with your loved ones. Please share this post with your family and friends so we can spread the message and raise awareness to this disease.

Together we can make a difference. Together we can find a cure to ALS. 


xx Nathan

Donate here
Find out more about ALS here

My Transformation

For those of you who haven't known me for long or don't know me at all, over the past year I have gone through a complete mental and physical transformation. I wanted to do this because I felt like the person on the inside was not the person I was looking at in the mirror every morning. I was going through a lot in my life at the time, and having little to no self confidence weighed myself down even more. I have always felt so much love from all of my friends and the people around me, but I wasn't feeling it from myself. I was going into a new program at school, and wanted to change my body image so I could show my friends and family that I can change. I always told myself "I have to lose weight" or "I have to look better" and I knew it wasn't healthy.

Finally, I did something about it. In April of 2013, I started dieting and working out everyday. I was putting an extreme amount of energy out and not putting much in. I was feeling better physically, but mentally I was still broken. I wasn't eating, sleeping or focusing on anything. I felt torn. I had to choices: go on with this and feel better, or go back to my old ways and not. I chose the first choice.

First of all, I do not regret choosing this option at all. I am totally supportive of anybody who wants to lose weight to gain self confidence. Although the way I did it for 2 months was extremely unhealthy. In May, I started developing an eating disorder. Having an eating disorder was one of the toughest things throughout this whole journey. It put a huge strain on my friends and family. I was not eating. Whenever I did eat a proper meal, I felt guilty and sometimes threw it up. I was eating extremely small portions and sometime starving myself. I was exercising even more, and was not giving my body the nutrition it needed. I thought counting calories and watching what I ate was a good thing, and was the right way to go. I was wrong. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be the type of person who would suffer from an eating disorder.

From late-April to early-June, I lost 25 pounds. I was feeling really good about that, but the people close to me were getting worried. I was getting worried. I remember looking at the scale and thinking, "Holy shit. I lost that much weight!?" and thinking I need to stop now. But I couldn't. It was an addiction. Every time I looked at food, I thought I had two choices: eat the food, or lose a pound. Eventually I finally realized that I did have an eating disorder and stopped doing what I was doing right away for my well-being. I am one of the lucky few who caught it early.

In late-June, I started my real body revolution.

I cut my hair (my famous bieber-styled hair) and many things from my diet, and started exercising even more. (I'll talk about everything I ate/did another time) I was feeling great inside and out, and was healthier than ever. I was eating right and working out everyday. I also got my very first job! I felt happier and healthier and had a better outlook on life. When I took a trip to California in July, I finally felt like myself. I remember when I went to a store in LA, and tried on a pair of pants that I always wanted. When I looked into the mirror in the change room, and tried on the pants that never fit me before that fit me now, I almost started to cry. (okay, maybe I did cry a bit) It may sound stupid to you, but to me it was a huge sense of accomplishment. I changed myself not for anybody else, but for me. I told myself that I can do whatever I want if I can put my mind to it and followed through. I showed an extremely huge amount of discipline and stayed motivated throughout this whole journey. Looking at the results, all of the blood, sweat and tears paid off.

Yes, I did go to the program at school with more confidence than ever. Yes, I am still working on my self confidence and my body image. Yes, I am still struggling with body issues. Like anything, these things take time, work and patience. You just have to know how much you want it in order to achieve your long time goals.

If you want to change something about yourself, don't let anybody stop you. Its your body and you can do whatever the hell you want with it. It's a long journey, and it's not an easy one, but if you have the determination and drive - YOU CAN DO IT. I am still struggling mentally, but physically I am as happy as ever. This eating healthy and working out thing has become a lifestyle for me. I enjoy it. It's what I do to feel better about myself and it gives me a positive outlook on life. Hopefully one day I can put all of the shitty stuff behind me, but for now I'll just focus on all of the things that make me happy in life.

In the past year I have really found myself. I have surrounded myself with people who love and care about me as much as I do for them. I have gone outside my comfort zone and done so many amazing things I never would have even thought of doing 2 years ago. I have met some amazing people and built stronger relationships with people I already knew. I have gained so much more self confidence...and most importantly, I am more comfortable in my skin.

If any of you are struggling or are unhappy, please feel talk to me. I'm always here for all of you if you need somebody to listen to you. I also love hearing your thoughts on my blog and all of the ways it has impacted you. Your comments and all your kind words are one of the main reasons I keep writing. I cannot thank all you enough that read my blog from around the world. It really does warm my heart.

xx Nathan

Stronger

Refer back to my post "Alone". I posted it about 2 years ago; a time when my life was at it worst so far. My emotions went wild and I went crazy. To make things worse, the only way I was able to express my negative energy was through that post. You may ask why that would be a bad thing, blogging about my feelings, and it really isn't. Actually, it's what I'm doing right now. Besides the fact, it's because I affected so many people and concerned so many of my closest family and friends around the world. That post got global attention, and still remains my most popular yet controversial post yet. This is mostly because my post came across as me wanting to commit suicide or that I was self-harming. What people didn't understand is that writing that post was me releasing all those suicidal thoughts and the self-harming pain. Writing these posts are my outlet. There is just something different about writing to the public rather than to yourself that I love.

Now lets fast forward to the present. Right now, I am finding my self in a similar situation. I am feeling lost, lonely, mad, sad, afraid, stressed, confused, tired, alone. But this time it will be different. Over the past year I have grown so much as a person mentally and physically that I can work through this myself. Hard work and discipline has brought me to where I am today. 2 years ago, I wasn't the same person I am today. I was younger and scared. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to fight or how to control my feelings. I was going in to a pattern where I bottle up all of my anger and release it on somebody that didn't deserve it. I almost lost a friend. Now I know my limits. I know what to do and what to say.

People say don't fight fire with fire. That is partly true, but if you don't fight for what you believe in, you're never going to get what you want. Don't think of fighting as beating somebody up; think of it as working towards getting in shape, overcoming depression, and protesting for your rights. Violence is never the answer, but you can sure as hell fight for what you want. Nelson Mandela wouldn't have been able to unite a nation and offer a different way of life without fighting for his rights. Do you know what else Nelson Mandela did? He never used violence to fight. Even after spending 27 years in prison, he made peace with the people that imprisoned him. That comes to show that you do not have to use violence in order to fight for what you believe in.

The problems that I had before have mostly been resolved. All the problems that I needed to work out myself are gone. However, other problems still remain. I'm coming to the point where I'm thinking that what if it never ends? What if these problems never get resolved? What if they last forever? All I can do is keep making myself a stronger and better person. Hopefully in time, I will find peace within myself and I can move on. For now, I am just going to have to live with it.

For anybody who is feeling the same way, just know that you are not alone. If you have read my post "Alone" and you relate to it, please don't give up. Never stop fighting and never stop believing. I was there. I am now better. You have to know that there are so many people dealing with whatever you are dealing with and one day you will be happy. It might take a long time, for me it's still going on, but it's you who controls your destiny. Work hard and you will succeed.

..and to all my "problems." You wanna fight? Game on.

xx Nathan

Thoughts

Wow. It's been awhile, huh? 

Do you know that feeling when you feel like something's missing? Maybe for some of you it's a person or an object..but lately I have been longing for something that I cannot describe. Yeah, sure. It could be a person, or an object, but every night I go to bed thinking with an empty spot in my heart. Yes, things are going on in my life that are out of my control. I can deal with that. I have been dealing with it for almost 2 years now, but that's not the point. This feeling that I have been feeling recently is something different. It's almost like having a missing piece of a puzzle. You can't stop thinking about it until you find it.

For the past year, while I have been MIA, I have been keeping a journal on my bedside table and writing all of these things down. Thoughts about my day, my concerns, rants, raves, and all of the things I feel when I think about this thought.

Every night I go to bed and I think about this feeling. It feels sweet but sour at the same time. The thought makes me yearn for something. The crazy thing is that I have this thought every single night. That's right, ladies and gents. Every. Damn. Night.

..and I can't seem to make it stop.

**

Another thing I wanted to touch on is people and being two-faced. You know when you meet somebody, and they are the nicest person, but then you see them around other people being a complete jackass? Yeah. You probably do. Some of you may even be one. Some of you may even think I am one. Anyways, it just really pisses me off because it has been happening a lot lately. It's almost like they think they need to be somebody else because that's how their friends act. It's a shame, really. I can't believe how it would feel to have to be something that you're not just because you built a reputation to be something else.

I am almost getting a mixed signal from people. Usually I can read people really well, but sometimes you just have those difficult ones that you don't know what to think. Anyways, if you think you are a "person" like this, I just want you to know that you are a great person just the way you are. You DO NOT have to be somebody that you are not. Let your true colours shine through and show people who you really are. At the end of the day, would you rather have friends who like you for who you think you are, or friends who like you for who you are? I'll let you decide.

**

WELL...thanks for reading. It's been awhile since I've blogged and my writings pretty damn rough, but it's a start. I really really miss blogging and I'm back! I'm starting so many new things this year and I am so excited. 2014 will be my year. I have so much to write about and I can't wait to share it all with all of you..if "all of you" even read this.

If you're new to my blog, this is where I share the highs and lows of my life with you. Whether it be a rant, a catch-up, story or a message I believe in, it will all be in my point of view. I write all my posts as true to my heart as I can, and everything I say on here is true. 

Thank you guys for giving me a second chance. Lets make ROUND 2 of LTNE even better than the first.

Let the adventure begin!

xx Nathan

A Fresh New Start

Sorry to get you all excited, but this is NOT a blog post! I just thought I would start off the year with a little fill-you-in, and what to expect in 2013. 

The past 4 months I have been trying to find myself and get away from all of the madness in my life. Now its February, and I think I have finally found a place where I am happy, healthy and focussed on a fresh new start.

I have been away from this blog for about 1/3 of a year now. Even without posting anything, I am hearing from so many people worldwide via Facebook, Twitter, email and through your comments and views. I know I always say this, but I always mean it..THANK YOU! It means the world to me that you take your time to read my blog and send me messages. It makes me feel like the luckiest guy in the world to know that I am helping people and that they are enjoying reading about the highs and lows of my life. I cannot thank you enough.

Also, isn't the new blog template AMAZING? My cousin Kayla made it for me! I think the new Life Through Nathan's Eyes looks amazing and I am so happy with how it looks. Tell me what you think!

Even though I haven't blogged in awhile, I didn't stop writing. I kept a small journal by my side through the 4 months that I was away. I felt like I needed some space and  I needed to be private about some of the topics that I wrote about.

I will be taking a year off and returning in early 2014. I'm very sad to say this, but please keep on spreading the word about my blog. Again, I would like to thank everybody around the world that has found out about my blog and have kept on reading. I'll keep you guys informed on what I'm doing though my Twitter.

Have a great year, and I'll see you all soon.
xx Nathan

Life

This year, I have really learned how to not take life for granted. I've had some highs, and I've had some lows, but at the end of the day - I'm glad to be alive. I'm so grateful to have food to eat, kind family and friends and a roof under my head every night. Sometimes you forget about the little things, but those little things are the things most important in life.

For the time I've been gone, things have really started to change. A lot has happened. Some good, some bad. 

In late August, my dad received a call from his brother, my uncle, saying that my grandma has collapsed at a bus stop on her way to bingo. Shocked, my dad calls me, and explains what happened. That night, we catch the next ferry to Vancouver Island. (where my grandma lives) We got to the hospital, but she was unconscious. She was unable to talk or to see anything. She was able to move, hear and touch but that was about it. I stayed at the hospital for days, holding her hand and being with her. We knew that she was going to pass away. The doctor told us that she was unable to eat or drink, and that she was in the dying process. That really hit the whole family hard. It was kind of a shock, seeing all my cousins and my aunts and my uncles. Seeing my grandma on this bed, just laying there so peacefully. Seeing my dad say his last goodbyes to his mother. Seeing my grandma hold on as long as she could until she left this world. This experience really opened my eyes to how life is so important, and you cannot take a moment for granted. She was a woman who was full of life. She was beautiful, sociable and had the kindest heart. Growing up with her as a kid, she always used to walk down to the corner store with me and grab an ice cream. I will really miss those times I had with her. All I have is the memories of all of the times we have spent together. I will remember her forever. My grandma has not left me, the grandma I knew has. I know she is still with me and my family looking down on us. I know she wishes she was with us. Shortly after my grandma's passing, my aunt passed away after battling cancer for just less than a year. She was such an amazing woman and never thought of herself before thinking of others. She was one of the kindest people I have ever known, and she will be greatly missed by so many people. 

All that has happened this year just feels like a blur. I don't think all of this has really hit me yet. I keep saying to myself, "It will get better.", and "It will be okay." but it just keeps getting worse. I can only handle so much and I don't know what I will do if something else was to happen. I know I shouldn't think that way, but because of all I have been through this past year I feel like I should. Anything can happen, at any time. You might get in a fight with someone, you might lose someone, someone may cheat on you, someone may fall in love with someone else. Sometimes life will be awesome, sometimes life will kick you in the ass. You just have to think that something good some day will happen and you just have to wait for it. I know, its hard, but it will all be worth it at the end.

Music has really helped me through all of this. Music really gets me through the day, or is sad/mad/happy with me. One thing I love about music is that there is at least one song in the world to suit your mood. Music and a smile are a universal language. Everybody knows when someones happy and when there is a good tune playing on the radio. When you feel down in the dumps, just listen to a tune and hopefully some of the pain will go away.

Sometimes you get in a fight with somebody, regardless of how much you love them. That just part of life. When you fight with somebody its because you love somebody so much that you hate them. (..well, most of the time) No matter how big the fight, if you are a true friend or family member nothing and nobody can separate you from that person.

Everything that has happened to me has made me a stronger person. I never have and never will regret anything that I have done. I think that making mistakes and having shitty things happen to you is a part of life. Yes, they suck and you will cry and be sad for a long long long long time, but trust me when I say you will take something from that and use it later on in life. Just know that somebody in the world is going through the same thing as you. They feel you're pain and know what you're feeling inside. Never feel like you're alone, because you're not. You are not alone. 

I love all of you so much. Each person who has sent me a message, shared this with a friend and just read my blog is a friend to me. I don't know what I would do without all of this continuous support from around the globe. It is honestly so overwhelming. I am keeping a positive mind on things and I am hoping that things will get better in the months to come. As always, thank you for looking at life through my eyes...and know that if you think that nobody is there for you, and that you are all alone, well you're wrong. Even if I don't know you that well or don't know you at all, there is one fella here who will be here for you 24/7.

xx Nathan